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Magic Words

By Linda Larsen

Have you ever had this happen to you? You explained something to someone, and you thought you were pretty clear, but they apparently didn't hear you correctly? You discovered this because they either repeated what you said - and it was wrong. Or, they told someone else what you said - and it absolutely was NOT what you said at all.

If this has happened to you, and you're like most people, you probably then set out to tell the other person that they misunderstood you, and that what you really said was "x"...

I'm sure you can remember me saying a thousand times that we are all driven by the need to look good and be right. Well, it's your need to look good and be right that's in play when you want to correct them. Here's the problem, though. By doing so, you have just made them look bad and be wrong. And that will not endear them to you. It won't make them walk away thinking, "Gosh, I like her so much. When I'm wrong about something, she'll be the first one to let me know. What did I ever do before I met her."

No. What's probably happening is that they honestly DID hear what they thought they heard. And as far as they are concerned - YOU are the problem.

OK, so let's get to the bottom line here. You want them to understand your meaning. You have been led to believe that in order for them to get your true meaning, you must first point out how they got it wrong. And if you do that - you begin to erode the foundation of your relationship. And when that happens, they will probably put up a wall in their minds - that will further obscure your meaning.

Here's a better idea. Instead of saying the same old thing - why not try something different? Instead of words that make the other person feel inadequate, why not use words that put you in the responsibility seat and take the onus off them.

A more effective way of getting what you want might sound like this:
    You communicate your message. In some fashion they repeat what they heard you say. You observe that it is incorrect. At that point you say the following words:

      "Oh, I'm sorry. I must not have been clear in my communication. What I was saying was..."
Magic! Magic! Absolutely NO defenses go up on the other person. They are open to hearing what you have to say. And the bottom line - they may now get the meaning that you intended. And why? Because you took responsibility as the sender of the message.

Yes, there is a cost. You have to give up your need to be right by letting them know that they were wrong. But the payoff is worth the cost. And, after a while, you'll start to feel in total control of the situation.

So memorize those words: "Oh, I'm sorry. I must not have been clear in my communication. What I was saying was..." Use them every opportunity you get. You will be delighted at the results and amazed at how easy and effortless it becomes.


© 2001, Linda Larsen

Linda Laa highly sought after keynote speaker and trainer. She is the author of the best selling audio program, 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem and the book, True Power. She has been featured in many national publications, including Investor's Business Daily, The Chicago Tribune, Personal Excellence and Opportunity World. She can be reached at 1-800-355-4420 or through her web site at www.lindalarsen.com.



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