by Francine Ward

Francine Ward, member eWomenNetwork, eWomenPublishingNetwork & Author of Esteemable Acts

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Have you ever given up on a dream because you were afraid you’d fail, make a mistake, or be rejected in some way? Perhaps you wanted to write a book, complete your education, run a marathon, finish a project, or launch your own business?  Maybe you got started on making your dream come true and someone told you it was a stupid idea—and you believed them? 

Some people realize their dreams because they have the right connections, go to the right school, or grow up in the right neighborhood.  Others are successful at making their dreams come true because someone believed in them.  But more often than not, people who reach their goals do so because they were willing to stay the course and walk through the fear that almost always surfaces when we do something we’ve never done before.

Fear can sometimes be a motivator for good.  It lets us know when our lives are in danger and when it’s time to change course.  For example, after escaping the South Bronx at eighteen, I knew I never wanted to be there or be poor again.  Fear of being caught in a cycle of poverty scared me so much, I became willing to do anything to avoid that outcome.  On the other hand, fear can be an obstacle to our success. Suppose you are unhappy in your job, but you stay and make excuses for why you can’t leave.  Perhaps what really stands in the way is that you are afraid to leave, afraid of what might happen, afraid of what to do next, afraid of being rejected, and the list goes on. 

Fear keeps you stuck because it’s familiar. Fear is a human emotion, which is expected when you try something new or stretch beyond your comfort zone.  It’s okay to feel afraid; it’s not okay to make fear your master.  It’s not okay to allow fear to stand between you and your dreams.  The key to creating personal and economic power is addressing your fear: recognize it, acknowledge it, and walk through it. 

In high school, I was voted least likely to succeed. Why? Because I was the least likely to succeed.  At 14 I was a heroin addict & alcoholic, at 18 I was a high school dropout who lived on the streets; by 21 I was a prostitute selling my body to support my habits, and at 26, in a drunken stupor, I was hit by a car and told I’d never walk again.  Yet even coming from a place of pure hopelessness, even being the one least likely to succeed, I was able to transform my life of addiction, crime, and dysfunction into one of remarkable integrity, service, and personal & economic achievement.  How? By walking through my fear. 

Today my mission is to stimulate women into walking through fear in order to make significant changes in their lives. Below are six strategies that helped me in taking control of my life. 

1.  Dream BIG!

Before I could have a successful business, I had to become willing to dream of having a successful business.  And dreaming BIG takes courage.  Not only must we fight our internal demons, we must also battle those from without. They may be family, friends, co-workers, or loved ones who tell us why we can’t do something and why it’s not a good idea to even try, rather than support us in making an effort. While they don’t always mean to hurt us, the impact is often the same.  We give up. 

When I decided to change my life, there were many people reminding me that I was an ex-hooker with a criminal record.  Fortunately I had a mentor who believed in me long before I was capable of believing in myself.  She taught me that I had options and that hard work wasn’t a bad word.  Because of Louise, I didn’t give up.     

2.   Obstacles are opportunities to get to the next level 

You’ll encounter many bumps along the road to living your dreams, such as not enough money, not enough support, failure, having to make tough choices, irreparable mistakes, rejection, other people’s beliefs, your old ideas, and other stumbling blocks.  Some may be real, some imagined, some may be tangible, and some you’ll never touch.  However they manifest, you will always be given the choice as to whether or not you give them power.

One of the single greatest barriers to reaching my goal of becoming a lawyer was failing the New York Bar, the licensing exam for lawyers. It would have been easy to not even go for such a lofty dream in the first place considering where I came from.  But I did.  And when faced with one failure after another I was emotionally wrecked.  Life felt unfair; because this was the first time I really did the work—even in a small way. It was the first time I allowed myself to dream and dream big. Because the stakes were high, the fall was devastating. And because the fall was so demoralizing, the eventual victory was one to be savored. The lesson I learned was that I wasn’t going to die if I failed.  And that if I did fail, my job was to get up, dust myself off, and start all over again.

3.    Ask for help

It’s often said that women are better at asking for help than men.  No doubt, a woman made that statement. I find women unwilling to ask for help when they really need it.  Sure maybe we can ask for directions when lost on the freeway, or even ask for help when it’s to help someone else, but what about asking for help in reaching our goals and making our dreams come true? What about asking for what we need when it comes to networking? Humility means being teachable; acknowledging we don’t have all the answers and being willing to ask for help from someone who does.  It’s taken me years to do that and while I’m not perfect—I’m better.

4.    Network with other women

Women supporting women is my mantra and I put my money where my mouth is.  Most of the vendors I do business with are women.  One way to be successful, both personally and financially, is to support other women.  Network with each other.  Share resources, contacts, business, ideas, and lessons with other women.  Seeing women as advocates, collaborators, and partners and not as competitors and the enemy is a strategy that has helped me.

5.   Read contracts before you sign them

For years I was afraid to admit I didn’t understand the contracts I was asked to sign.  I didn’t want to be viewed as stupid and unknowledgeable, so I didn’t ask questions and because money was an issue, I didn’t hire someone to help me.  It seemed easier to just sign on the dotted line.  I learned the hard way that that isn’t a good idea. 

I had complications due to surgery about fifteen years ago and found I had little recourse, because I signed my rights away.  How did that happen in America?  Because I didn’t read the release form put before me, I trusted my doctor, and didn’t ask questions.  Trust is one thing; personal responsibility is another.  Part of my mission in life is to help women get comfortable with reading agreements BEFORE they sign them. 

6. Know what’s going on in your business

Often I hear women say, “I leave the finances to my husband,” or “I’m not good at financial stuff, so I leave it to my CPA,” or “I leave business matters to my office manager.” While it’s smart business to hire people who know about financial concerns and who can run your business, it’s a good idea for YOU to have a working knowledge of what’s going on, including your finances.  Relying too heavily on others can create irreparable harm for business owners. 

A friend and colleague is a successful therapist.  For years she relied on her office manager to do everything.  She trusted her.  Then in early 2005 my friend discovered her manager had been stealing—a lot, for years.  The better part of this last year she spent repairing the extensive damage that had been done, including paying back taxes and penalties owed to the government.  It’s okay to trust people and it’s okay to hire professionals to handle your affairs, I just encourage you to have a working knowledge of what’s going on

Walking through fear is the key to personal and economic power. My hope is something I’ve said has resonated with you.  Dream BIG, don’t let obstacles get in the way, ask for help, network with other women, read ALL agreements BEFORE you sign them, know what’s going on in your business, and most of all enjoy the journey!

About Francine Ward

Francine Ward is an author, life coach, and success strategist who stimulates people into walking through fear in order to make significant changes in their lives.  She’s not just an expert in the area of personal development, she’s been in the trenches.  From high school drop-out, drug addicted, alcoholic prostitute to Georgetown educated lawyer, successful entrepreneur, twice published author, philanthropist, and loving wife. See more about Francine and her work at www.esteemableacts.com.